Ruminations: Time is a funny thing.

Time is a funny thing. 

The other day I went to bed at 9:15. Now, this may not seem so unusual for a new dad, but for those who know me, they know that my bed time was usually around 10:30/11:00, even with a little one. Since these are the last few weeks before the February California Bar, Chels has been hitting the books hard, which means that I am on baby duty throughout the night. The little one had a rough night the night before, so I decided to go to bed early. Not only was I out like a light but she only woke up once and I was only up for 30 minutes. As morning came, I woke up at my regular time, around 5:15, but, even though I had a pretty solid eight hours of sleep, I wanted more. Then it hit me: time is a funny thing.  

When I was younger I made an effort to only sleep six hours a night. I thought sleep was overrated and there was so much to experience in the waking world: books to read, friends to visit, shows to watch, and work to do; so why waste time on sleep? Some may share this philosophy, others may think me a raving lunatic--sleep is a passionate topic. But the other night I realized, I am getting older. Time is waging war on me and marching on its merry, destructive way. But it’s inevitable.  I can’t avoid it, I can’t fight it. That fourth dimension is out of my reach. Granted I am only in my mid-thirties and I have plenty of life to live, but this was the first time I felt my age.

A couple weeks ago, I was at a teacher training and I left some nonfiction articles for my kiddos to read. All of the articles were based around a theme: What makes a person an adult? Is it just time? Or are there certain characteristics that make a person act like an adult? One could argue either way or one could say both since those characteristics usually come as people age. But for the teens it was an interesting introspection on their own behaviors. Anyway, I mention this because I am at the point where I feel like I’ve reached a good spot in my life: I have a beautiful wife and daughter, a pretty awesome job, a dog, a car payment, bills that I can pay, and a pretty good routine.  It’s nice but it can  also  be deceptive.

I like pushing myself, sometimes change is hard for me, but I’ve never been one to settle down. And my life will be changed again when I finally go back to school (something I greatly desire!) However, the deception can come from complacency. When we were younger we wanted to be older. Time seemed to be going so, so, so slow. Summer couldn’t come fast enough. School, for some, wasn’t engaging. Life, for many, wasn’t exciting.  But now once we get our routines, our jobs, our lives; our adult lives, our life settles down, time flies. For example, we’ve been in Sacramento for 3.5 years! Where has that time gone? My little girl is already 14 months old! She’s walking, talking (well making noises that she knows what she is saying) What happened to our little blob? Maybe time seems so slow when we are younger because we are constantly and drastically changing and growing. As we get older that change decelerates and it becomes more gradual, less noticeable. It’s a funny thing. 

This last week I’ve been tossing this idea for the blog out to some of my friends and colleagues who range in age from early 30s to late 40s. And it has been interesting conversations. One, who is in his early 40s, said “What happened? I feel like I just woke and I became old…I can’t run like I used to, I can’t be as physical as I want.”  Is it just a realization like that? Does that mean we are old? Is that how it hits?  Another colleague in his late 40s mentioned that to him his change became a decade thing. He’d realize that another decade had passed and would reflect and make changes to his lifestyle. He wasn’t able to be as physically active as he used to so he had to tone down and start sleeping more too! I was talking to another friend and she was reflecting on how she isn’t the same either. She recently started working as an attorney, doing her grind and it is similar for her too. These conversation helped me realize that I am not alone on this overwhelming ocean of time and breathed a sigh. 

Time is such a funny thing. But one thing is certain we can’t avoid it. We just have to live with it. All we can do is keep swimming. 

Looking through the Lens of the Year.

Friday night we drove to a sacred spot in Chelsea’s family. It is about three hours north of Sacramento, along the coast, through winding roads and hills. We left around 7:30 PM  for the sake of the baby. Yeah, that’s a new thing: traveling during baby sleepy times. It’s ingenious. (Baby tip #56 - Drive when babies sleep - Just to be clear…there are no set numbers for the baby tips…yet.) She slept the whole way, this is something we discovered over the holidays as we drove down to Southern California.

During this drive, the rain fell steadily for the second half of the journey but Chelsea handled it like a champ. My SoCal nerves would have been frayed. This spot is called The Sea Ranch and someone told me once that it is a magical place. A place where ionic particles rise from the crashing waves that run roughshod over the roughened coastline. The ions float and encircle this whole coastal area. I am not sure of the veracity of that claim since I have never really looked into it, but I like the story regardless. But, anecdotally, I always feel a little refreshed coming away from here. The baby naps on my chest, while Chelsea is out studying...So now, I can reflect on what has been happening these last few months:

First, not much has changed on our front. I am still working and Chelsea is still working, but one thing that did happen was she did not pass the California Bar Exam. She missed it by the skin of her teeth, just 2 percentage points. That was pretty stressful considering she was ready to move into a full time position at her job. But they kept her on and have put her on an hourly wage rather than a salary. But despite the drawback, there are benefits, the money isn’t the same, but she is able to adjust her schedule a little better to give her some study time. She’s taking the Bar again at the end of February.  GO Chelsea!

Tori has changed dramatically since our last update. She is walking now, which changed our lives forever. She took her first “steps” on October 30th. These were only 4 at a time before she plopped down, but by the time her first birthday came around on December 18 she was walking everywhere.Chelsea says she feels like just when we learned the rule of the game, Tori learned to walk and changed them on us. She has also been forming words. She can mimic what we say, but it isn’t perfect since she is still waiting for some teeth and her pronunciation needs a little work. But her syllables are coming along nicely. She can say things like “cheese” and “daddy” and, thanks to her T-ma, she also bows and gives thanks to here food during meal times. It’s cute, if not a little strange, but we love it.

She has pretty set routine, bath around 6:15-6:30, depending on the day, then being rocked and nursed down to sleep after. So by 7 on most days she is out. She wakes up now again, and hasn’t mastered the 'Sleeping Through the Night'. Some days she does and some days she doesn’t, especially since her teeth have been growing lately (Baby Tip #57: teeth ruin everything). Moreover, during the day she still attends day care where they love her. Chelsea drops her off about 7:45 in the morning, and then I pick her up between 4:15 and 5 depending on my work stuff. She naps with the bigger kids from 12:30 to 3. We are in awe at how they get her nap so long. Her weekend naps aren’t nearly as long! (Baby Tip #58: If you find people who can get your baby to nap, keep them round forever and buy them chocolate!)

The other day Chelsea and I were eating at a happy hour with Tori (Baby tip #59; going out to early happy hours and/or day drinking is key; brunch also rocks - although now "brunch" is really breakfast because the kid is up at 6 am...) and we were talking about the past year as being parents. We were reflecting on what we have learned. I made a joke referencing Malcolm Gladwell’s 10, 000 hour theory: as long as you do something for 10,000 hours you master it. I did a quick calculation and realized we had clocked about 8,856 hours as parents for Tori! We rejoiced! Only 1,100 hours to parenting mastery! However, we quickly came to the conclusion that there is a flaw in that theory. In a regular job, you perform the same tasks over and over again, and if you do that for 10,000 hours you master them. There isn’t much flux. But, wouldn't you know, babies change. So despite our 8,000 plus hours, Tori's constant evolution from just being a blob to crawling, talking, walking, grabbing, feeding herself, drinking from a cup, and evolving ways of playing, that theory is moot.

We learned so much in this last year and a month, but I feel like we are still learning every day. Every new experience she has is a new one for us (and her!). Which is great, it keeps things interesting, but it is extremely exhausting. There is a ton of joy, but there are also times of struggle (Baby Tip #60: The Struggle is real). But I wouldn’t change it for the world.