Time is a funny thing.
The other day I went to bed at 9:15. Now, this may not seem
so unusual for a new dad, but for those who know me, they know that my bed time
was usually around 10:30/11:00, even with a little one. Since these are the
last few weeks before the February California Bar, Chels has been hitting the
books hard, which means that I am on baby duty throughout the night. The little
one had a rough night the night before, so I decided to go to bed early. Not
only was I out like a light but she only woke up once and I was only up for 30
minutes. As morning came, I woke up at my regular time, around 5:15, but, even
though I had a pretty solid eight hours of sleep, I wanted more. Then it hit
me: time is a funny thing.
When I was younger I made an effort to only sleep six hours
a night. I thought sleep was overrated and there was so much to experience in
the waking world: books to read, friends to visit, shows to watch, and work to
do; so why waste time on sleep? Some may share this philosophy, others may
think me a raving lunatic--sleep is a passionate topic. But the other night I
realized, I am getting older. Time is waging war on me and marching on its
merry, destructive way. But it’s inevitable. I can’t avoid it, I can’t fight it. That
fourth dimension is out of my reach. Granted I am only in my mid-thirties and I
have plenty of life to live, but this was the first time I felt my age.
A couple weeks ago, I was at a teacher training and I left
some nonfiction articles for my kiddos to read. All of the articles were based
around a theme: What makes a person an adult? Is it just time? Or are there
certain characteristics that make a person act like an adult? One could argue
either way or one could say both since those characteristics usually come as
people age. But for the teens it was an interesting introspection on their own
behaviors. Anyway, I mention this because I am at the point where I feel like I’ve
reached a good spot in my life: I have a beautiful wife and daughter, a pretty
awesome job, a dog, a car payment, bills that I can pay, and a pretty good
routine. It’s nice but it can also be
deceptive.
I like pushing myself, sometimes change is hard for me, but
I’ve never been one to settle down. And my life will be changed again when I
finally go back to school (something I greatly desire!) However, the deception
can come from complacency. When we were younger we wanted to be older. Time
seemed to be going so, so, so slow. Summer couldn’t come fast enough. School,
for some, wasn’t engaging. Life, for many, wasn’t exciting. But now once we get our routines, our jobs,
our lives; our adult lives, our life settles down, time flies. For example, we’ve
been in Sacramento for 3.5 years! Where has that time gone? My little girl is
already 14 months old! She’s walking, talking (well making noises that she knows what she is saying) What happened
to our little blob? Maybe time seems so slow when we are younger because we are
constantly and drastically changing and growing. As we get older that change decelerates
and it becomes more gradual, less noticeable. It’s a funny thing.
This last week I’ve been tossing this idea for the blog out
to some of my friends and colleagues who range in age from early 30s to late
40s. And it has been interesting conversations. One, who is in his early 40s,
said “What happened? I feel like I just woke and I became old…I can’t run like
I used to, I can’t be as physical as I want.” Is it just a realization like that? Does that
mean we are old? Is that how it hits? Another
colleague in his late 40s mentioned that to him his change became a decade thing.
He’d realize that another decade had passed and would reflect and make changes
to his lifestyle. He wasn’t able to be as physically active as he used to so he
had to tone down and start sleeping more too! I was talking to another friend
and she was reflecting on how she isn’t the same either. She recently started
working as an attorney, doing her grind and it is similar for her too. These conversation helped me realize that I am not alone on this overwhelming ocean of time and breathed a sigh.
Time is such a funny thing. But one thing is certain we can’t
avoid it. We just have to live with it. All we can do is keep swimming.
