Reflections on 1L

It has been 10 days since I took the last final of my first year of law school. The deer-in-the-headlights feeling of overwhelm has almost completely faded away and I have mostly been able to recoup my brain facilities. However, I don’t know if I’ll ever be back to “normal”. Even one year of law school has changed the way I think and interact with the world. The jury is still out as to whether I have changed for the better *cue Wicked soundtrack here*.

            For example, I now consistently correct people, even people on TV who have no knowledge that they are being admonished, for saying that someone was “assaulted” when they have actually been victims of battery. Now that I know the technical definitions of the two crimes (assault is the intent to cause fear or apprehension of physical harm and battery is an actual harmful or offensive contact) my legal brain, which may have some relation to the proverbial lizard brain, refuses to ignore such a blatant misnomer.

Moreover, I see Torts everywhere. I have been helping Tim pull together the last minute details during Hell Week (the last week before his student’s musical Dream Girls opens) and couldn’t help closely guarding the handsaw and cans of spray paint I brought to make sets. You’d be surprised at how many things can go wrong with aerosol and goodness knows I don’t want to be held liable for negligently leaving spray paint out for teenage vandals to convert.

Aside from noticing how much more analytical and technical I have become over the last year, I have been reflecting on the whole experience of being a first year law student. All in all, despite long, tedious hours of reading, occasional stressful moments under pressure of deadlines and only two serious emotional breakdowns, I can look back proudly and say I had a positive experience and do not at all regret my decision to go to law school here.

The rumors about competitive nastiness in law school are not wholly unsubstantiated (at one point early in the year, I was excluded from a study group I asked to join and a few times I overheard some nasty gossip about high achieving students) but I found the majority of my peers to be cooperative and kind. Most are willing to share notes and outlines and tips on available jobs or internships. I imagine that some day I will be working with or even hiring some of my impressive colleagues for their legal counsel one day. And of course, some of my colleagues became my friends and I am so grateful for them. I am so blessed to have friends in law school so we can support each other through this adventure. I believe some bonds of friendship I formed will last my lifetime.

The staff and faculty at my school are incredibly supportive as well. The key to forming mentorships and getting help in law school is taking initiative. With a little effort and follow-up on my part I have gotten help editing my resume and cover letter, been given influential recommendations to two separate internships (both of which I was offered, one which I accepted as my summer job), made friends with the library staff who kindly waived a late fee when I had a book out too long during finals week, and always had friendly conversations and a positive experience with the folks at the school cafeteria.

In the supportive community, where people lift each other up, I feel like the challenges of learning how to think, write and speak like a lawyer are not insurmountable.  At times I was stretched thin, startled by my own strong emotional reactions to certain cases or subjects, frustrated by the work load and sky high expectations (both my professors’ and my own) and feeling down. But then, just when I needed it the most, I would be uplifted by a kind word from a peer, given confidence from a compliment from a professor or my own correct answer in class, and most usually, encouraged by my amazing husband. Tim’s unflagging confidence in me and willingness to sacrifice his own time and energy to make law school possible for me was my rock in the storm throughout this year.

Some people say that going through law school with a partner puts a strain on the relationship and can often lead to conflict and separation. Now, I won’t sugarcoat things and saying this year was all marital perfection and bliss. We nagged and argued at times. But we got through 1L without any scars because we worked as a team. Tim and I are true partners. We share the household responsibilities equally and when we can’t we each pick up the slack when it is needed. When I am in the midst of a project or exams, Tim kicks into superman mode, doing all the laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning and dog care. Then when the situation calls for it, we switch. I am playing that role now while he is working with the Dream Girls cast in Hell Week.

The last thing I think helped me get through my first year of law school with relative grace and success (although what level of success is still to be determined, as I won’t get grades for another 3 weeks) was the advice that my Oma’s friends Lizbeth and Anne, whom I consider some of my fairy grandmothers, to make sure I take time to enjoy being young, married, healthy and free. Generally to, and I quote, “chill the fuck out”. CTFO became my motto this year. Because of my own high standards, when I CTFO I am still working my butt off but it helped me remember to pursue balance in life and law school. I continue to strive for balance as I look forward to a summer of new, exciting challenges.